Grass to grace....

We all know that the only thing constant in life is change. But it is also one of the things we dread most. It's because we do not know exactly what the wind of change will blow our way. If the change which comes our way is positive change, one that elevates us financially, socially and indeed in all ramifications we would be all for it, but when it is an ill wind that blows our way we almost know for sure that dire consequences await us.

Such is the plight of some of us, who rather than take the hurdles we come across in life as lessons and try to pick up the threads of our lives would fall deeper into the clutches of despair, despondence, depression.

My father has this theory: Constant wrong decisions = Failure
Time

I don't know where he got this but I believe it.. It's a formula he swears by and has instilled in all his children. I like this formula because it seems sound to me.... of course that does not necessarily mean that all who fail have constantly made wrong decisions or that making constantly right decisions if the fool-proof way to success but in a nutshell, the theory seems pretty concise to me.

This leads me to my post for today.... I was pondering about certain acquaintances of my husband and I who were very well to do in the late '90's and now live like paupers. I am in no way celebrating their lot but I spent a lot of time in thought about the term "falling from grace to grass". It hit home when we paid a visit to this couple.....

Case Study:
Joel (my hubby's childhood playmate)and Mariam (not real names) got married in the late '90's.... then it was all rosy as Joel had a lot of money from his "Oil Bunkering business" -the most legitimate of all illegal businesses- and he had so much cash to spend then.... they always had parties for absolutely no reason and Mariam was always off to some distant country to buy goods to sell.... They lived a fast life, spending, partying, having fun, I used to wonder then just how rich I would have to be to spend without planning- that was how it seemed to me. She had two kids in quick succession and life seemed like it was going to be eternally blissful because they were living the life!

Fast forward to 2003....my hubby was away in school so I basically lost contact with his 'friends' some of them called occasionally, others even visited. I lost all touch with Joel and Mariam. In 2005, we ran into them at an event and they look like a shadow of their former selves... No nice clothes, no bling and just plain simple... I had to ask my sis-in-law if she noticed. Of course she did and we wondered, but left it at that...
Moving on to this year I got a call from Joel that Mariam had just put to birth and he wanted us to know... being that the Christening fell on a week day, we were unable to attend (because of work commitments and hubby and I decided between ourselves to visit them on any given Saturday.

Two Saturdays ago, we decided to visit them and called to let them know we were on our way. Wifey reluctantly gave us sketchy descriptions to their place... we got to the general area and called...believe me, it took about 5 calls before she answered and gave some more directions. We eventually located the place and parked on the street because we were not told which house it was....It took an over 20 minute wait and our having to question some security guards with descriptions of the family and the fact that a new baby was born recently for them to identify the house were looking for. Hubby wanted to go in, but I dissuaded him and told him to be patient....after all, we didn't give them the benefit of telling them beforehand that we planned to visit....

Finally Mariam made her exit from the compound- as we say in naijaspeak- and ushered us in...she was a shadow of her former self and she looked so embarrassed.... we got in and were all trying to act normal and all, Joel initially claimed to be sleeping, but later came out and it was on the whole a painful visit.... I felt so bad and I just wondered what went wrong...we all chatted for a while about old times and then Joel took hubby aside and confided in him about his situation. He alluded to the fact that his wife and her family ran him down...He said he spent millions for her dads burial, she never brought a penny in from her business, kept demanding for money for more...How very easy to apportion blame! They never saved for a rainy day....How about the houses you were building, my hubby asked? Which house? Apparently she spun tales about that and a lot of other things as well...bla bla bla...but where do they start? With 3 kids and no income, what do they do?

Our analogy on our return home was that they did not invest.... they thought that whatever their source of income was would last forever.... I recalled the days when I would see Mariam and she would go, Joel's building 2 houses now...One in Lekki Phase 1 and the other at VGC...where are the houses? I'm going to the UK next week to buy things for resale... what happened?.... She never even completed her Law degree at the University because she dropped out of school after her wedding...why oh why? Even the business she was doing never brought any money in, she went back for more and more from her hubby for every trip, Whatever happened?

I mourned their circumstance but I took the lesson with me. It pays to live with an uncertain tomorrow in mind because change will come and then, what happens?.... What do we do if an ill wind blows our way? Of course the average Nigerian will bind and cast and say tufiakwa! But still we know that He who fails to plan has planned to fail. As for me and my house....God help us, we're planning for our tomorrow today!

'moni